Recognising the Signs That Something Is Wrong

Children rarely announce that they are being bullied. Often they feel embarrassed, worry that telling will make things worse, or are simply unsure whether what is happening counts as bullying at all. More often, the signs appear sideways: a chatty child goes quiet, complaints of stomach aches arrive every weekday morning, or certain names stop being mentioned altogether.

Look for changes in patterns rather than one-off events. Missing equipment, torn clothing, unexplained bruises, a sudden dip in schoolwork, refusing to travel on the school bus, or pulling away from friends they used to see at weekends are all worth noting. Older children may become withdrawn or irritable; younger ones may become clingy or start wetting the bed again.

Ask open questions — "Who did you sit with at lunch today?" rather than "Is someone bullying you?" — and listen without rushing to solve it. Your child needs to feel believed before they can tell you the whole story. Try to stay calm, even if what you hear makes you angry. Say clearly: "That isn't your fault, and we will sort it together."

Recording Incidents: What to Note and Why It Matters

A written record turns a series of upsetting moments into something a school can act on. Memories fade and details blur, especially when emotions are running high. Keep a simple log — a notebook or a note on your phone is perfectly adequate.

• The date, time and location of each incident.
• Who was involved, including any bystanders or staff who were nearby.
• What was said or done, using your child's own words where you can.
• Any physical injury, damage to belongings, or online messages — screenshot texts, apps and social media posts rather than deleting them.
• What your child did next, and who they told.
• How your child seemed afterwards: sleep, appetite, mood, reluctance to attend school.

Keep the tone factual. Avoid words like "vicious" or "relentless" in the record itself; let the pattern speak for you. Note every contact with the school too — emails, phone calls, brief conversations at the gate — with dates and the name of the person you spoke to. If you speak in person, follow up with a short email confirming what was agreed, so there is a written trail.

Requesting a Meeting with the School

Start with your child's form tutor or class teacher, and ask for a meeting rather than trying to resolve things in a hurried conversation at pick-up. If the incidents involve safeguarding, additional needs, or have been going on for some time, ask whether the designated safeguarding lead or the special educational needs coordinator can also attend.

Before the meeting, decide on three things you want to come out of it. Bring your log, and keep it factual. It helps to open with something like: "I'm worried about how things are going for Sam, and I'd like us to agree a plan together." That frames you as a partner rather than an adversary, which tends to get better results.

Ask directly: what has the school already noticed? What has been recorded? What happens next? Take notes, and don't feel pressured into agreeing to something on the spot if it doesn't feel adequate.

Building a Clear Action Plan Together

A good plan is specific. "We'll keep an eye on it" is not a plan. Ask who will do what, where, and by when. Depending on the situation, the plan might include:

• Extra staff supervision in the particular places incidents happen — corridors, changing rooms, the walk to the bus.
• A named member of staff your child can go to straight away if something happens.
• Restorative conversations or mediation, but only if your child feels safe taking part.
• Sanctions for the pupil responsible, in line with the school's behaviour policy. You may not be told the details, but you can ask to be told that action has been taken.
• Practical changes such as seating plans, separate break times, or different groups for lessons.
• Support for your child: a mentor, a buddy system, or a referral to the school counsellor or local services.
• A review date, usually two to four weeks ahead, to check whether things have improved.

Ask for the agreed plan in writing, even if it is just a summary email.

Supporting Your Child at Home

Reassure your child that the bullying is not their fault and that adults are dealing with it. Resist the urge to tell them to ignore it or hit back — neither tends to work. Keep home routines steady: regular meals, predictable bedtimes, and time with friends outside school. Encourage the hobbies and interests that remind your child who they are beyond this.

If sleep, appetite or mood are badly affected, speak to your GP. School-based counselling or a referral to local mental health support may also help. And look after yourself — talking to a trusted friend, or to organisations that support parents, makes it easier to stay steady for your child.

If Things Don't Improve: Escalating Sensibly

Give the plan time to work, but hold the school to the review date. If nothing changes, ask to meet the headteacher and explain what was agreed and what has happened since. If you are still not satisfied, every school has a complaints procedure, usually published on its website, and you can follow its stages in order, keeping copies of all correspondence. Beyond the school, you can approach the governing body or trust, and in some cases the local authority.

Where the bullying relates to a protected characteristic — race, religion, disability, sex, sexual orientation or gender reassignment — schools have duties under the Equality Act 2010, and it is reasonable to ask how they are meeting them.

If you believe your child is at risk of significant harm, contact your local authority's children's social care team without delay. Your calm, persistent advocacy is often the very thing that changes the situation — and in most cases, with a clear record, a firm plan and a school that takes it seriously, things do improve.